13 Hilarious Anti-Masturbation Ads

Keep it in your pants. No jerkin’ that gherkin’. You’ll go cross-eyed! There are so many admonitions out there against pleasuring yourself, you’d think the whole world had a serious problem refraining from a good fap at every turn. While it’s entirely possible that’s the case, there are also some people out there who just want to stop nice, hard-working people from having a good time… with themselves. These hilarious anti-masturbation ads highlight just how much SOME PEOPLE want your business to remain closed off to the most important customer of all: you. From hilarious devices meant to stop you from pleasuring yourself starting at an early age to desperate pleas from political pundits to be the cleanest you that you can be, there are plenty of crazy anti-beat-off ads out there to take your mind off giving yourself a quick pickle tickle (by talking to you about not jerkin’ that gherkin).

What can you say to someone to get them to stop masturbating? What are some anti-masturbating mascots? These absurd ploys to get you to stop masturbating will only make you laugh and perhaps cry… after you make too much sex to yourself.

But That’s Why You Have Two!

Costs in the Thousands!

T-Rex Was the Original

Just Have Some Gum, Honey

Think of the Kittens!

Think Of Your Parents

Not You, Hulk!

THIS Is How Ex-Wrestlers Stay Relevant?

Simple as That

Do Your Part to Stop Terrorism

For Ages 5

Just Like Jesus!

Because I’m Fappy!

Sing it to the tune of the Pharrel song and you may or may not hate yourself for not masturbating immediately.

It’s a Mother’s Right to Know!

This Amazing Christine O’Donnell Ad