Upholding the Family Name
“We have a pedophile in the family, one who also is a misogynist, so he molests girls with the sole purpose of ruining their lives. He had abused all of my aunts, and raped a seven-year-old girl who lived next door, and probably a lot of others that I don’t know about. Everyone kept it pretty quiet until his wife filed for divorce because he was cheating on her, and used the molestation cases for her benefit.
“He has three sons who still don’t know what their father is.
“He isn’t in jail because THAT would be bad for the family name, because you know, ‘we’re all so proper and law abiding.’ I keep trying to get my parents or other relatives to take action, but his wife refuses any suggestions of the sort. She also thinks that the other girls were ‘asking for it’. It gets me really pissed that these people are related to me.”
A Need for Milk Turns Deadly
“My older sister is actually my mother, my father was my mother’s (actually grandmother) husband.
“They don’t think I know.”
“I just found out that my grandparents wanted more kids, but were having trouble getting pregnant for a second time. They adopted a toddler-aged brother and sister when my mother was was seven. Soon after, my grandmother got pregnant, and the girl died from a very mysterious fall down the stairs. The boy was quietly given to another family. They never, ever spoke of either child from that day forward. I thought my mom was pulling my leg, but a quick search turned up the girl’s death record.
“I was never close to that grandmother and can’t help but think back to every weird aspect of that women, and all the strange relationships she had with her family.”
The Heroic Serial Killer
“My distant ancestor (great x8 uncle) was a sociopath and a serial killer. His name was Tom Quick and he was an ‘Indian Slayer’ who stalked the Delaware tribe.
“He claimed to have killed ninety-nine members of the tribe by the time he died, including an entire unarmed family with two young boys and an infant, which he beat to death with a rock.
“It’s weird. These days his monument in Pennsylvania had to be removed due to vandals, but when it was erected in 1889, he was considered a hero and a defender of the civilized settlers.”
Crippling Mental Illness
The Dream Friend
Killer Uncle, Blackmailer Father
The KKK Took My Uncle Away
“A great Uncle of mine passed away when I was a little boy. The family met at his house after the funeral to start packing things up and all, as he had no children and his wife died many years before him.
“My great uncle was a highly respected member of his small town. He was a banker of some sorts, deacon in the church, all of those things that made him a good person.
“Well, tucked away in the attic, not covered by any dust mind you, was a large wooden trunk. Inside this trunk were the purple robes of a KKK Grand Dragon, various member listings, meeting notes, and all other sorts of things related to the KKK. Turns out that my great uncle was a very active, although very much secretive, member of the regional chapter of the KKK.”
“My great-grandfather had a 17-year-old mistress he put up in an apartment. Great-grandmother found out, confronted them at said apartment, shoots and kills 17-year-old mistress.
“Great-grandfather serves the time in prison for the murder. Weeeee”
Our Legal System at Work
“My grandmother must have preferred first-person shooters just like her grandson, since it only took one head shot to kill my grandfather. During trial, her lawyer guaranteed that she would get off scot-free as long as she did one thing. Apparently, it was a known fact to a handful of lawyers that the judge connected with my grandmother’s trial had a affinity for hookers. The lawyer claimed that the judge was known to make decisions in the defendants favor whenever he was gifted a blonde one in particular. My grandmother followed her counsel’s advise and after the judge was ‘satisfied,’ she walked out of the court a free woman.
“I am one of a select few in our family who has any knowledge of the entire event that took place. I only found out about the whole thing because, during one of my great grandmothers rants, she complained about all the money that went to my grandmother, including ‘buying that judge the sleaziest blonde hooker’ she could afford. I was able to pry the rest of the information out of her at that point.”
An Axe-Murdering Uncle
The Mummified Lover
Bad Cure for Depression
A Rather Spotted History
“My uncle was kidnapped for two years when he was 15. He’s never spoken of it to this day.
“Also, my super uptight, neo-con, evangelical Christian uncle who lives in Nebraska was actually a hippie stoner in the 60s. Oh and his wife is a mail-order bride.
“Oh, and my aunt’s college fiancée was murdered by a hitchhiker.”
“My grandmother on my mom’s side just kind of disappeared and no one heard from her again. The story was that she fled back to her home country (Japan), leaving behind two daughters. Of course, alternate speculation exists.
“The only person with answers would have been my Grandpa but he didn’t ever want to talk about it, and took whatever he knew to the grave.”
Holy Family Is Wholly Delusional
“My family thinks my dad is a priest of the Melchizedekan order and will change the way the world does church.
“My dad weighs 600 pounds, is in chronic pain, is lucky to leave the couch more then once a month, is diabetic, and isn’t even 50 years-old and has already had a major pulmonary embolism.
“They don’t tell anyone outside the family because ‘they won’t understand.'”
Love in the Time of Mental Instability
A Sad Turn of Events
Small Town Secret
“I suppose this is a secret, we don’t really talk about it.
“My moms boyfriend’s dad murdered his wife by running her over with a car. It was a big deal at the time since we are from a small area.”
Secret, Strange Wealth
“I have no idea how my family gets its money. While growing up, I would ask my parents (usually my dad) how it worked, since my parents did not work, to which they would respond that we get money from my grandmother. Whenever we would get low on cash (my mom would always be reluctant to ask for more money from my grandma) and we kids complained about being low on money (thus not having much good food at home), my dad would tell us stuff like, ‘We’re never actually short on money. We actually have a lot, just not right now,’ or something in that direction. He had also mentioned stuff about how when we kids are older, we’ll all get money that my mom was supposed to inherit.
“Last year, when my mom, my sister and I were overseas staying with my grandparents over summer, I was able to find out that my mom had some stocks. I asked her how much they were worth, and she simply said she did not know, and that my grandmother handles those things. Grandparents are currently paying for my brother’s college tuition (I think around $4000 per semester, but I don’t know), and will soon be paying for my sister’s ($12,000). I asked my brother about it, and he said it was through stocks and that he didn’t understand it himself either and to just leave it.
So yeah, that’s probably the biggest secret and sadly I don’t even know it.