25 Super Funny Chemistry Jokes

 It’s hard to say what the funniest branch of physical science is, but when it comes down to it, our money’s on chemistry. Think about it: they wear lab coats, get to play with weird colored liquids all day, and we’re pretty sure The Nutty Professor was a chemist. If those aren’t enough reason to support this theory, then you can just go jump in a medium-sized body of H20. Anyway, here is the funniest list of jokes for chemistry geeks to be found anywhere on the web.   Are you still unsure of our chemistry joke credentials? Element puns? We got ‘em. Jokes about theoretical temperatures? Yep. Punchlines involving long-dead chemists? You best believe we’ve got you covered on those. If you STILL doubt our chemistry geek joke prowess, then it’s time that you check out the list for yourself and prepare for your blood to run as cold as absolutely zero, OK? The nerdy chemistry jokes on this list are insanely silly, so if you’re looking for jokes to tell at your next dinner part, you need to realign your expectations and get ready to giggle, guffaw, and maybe even snort as you read through this list of the funniest chemistry jokes ever. 

  • Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
    He just couldn’t put it down.
  • How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?
    A sulfone.
  • Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?
  • My Teacher Threw Sodium Chloride At Me.
  • H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
    Drinking.
  • What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
    Febreeze.
  • Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
    They’re cheaper than day rates.
  • You Must Be Made Of Uranium And Iodine
    Because all I can see is U and I.
  • How about the chemical workers.
    Are they unionized?
  • Why did the acid go to the gym?
    To become a buffer solution!
  • What do you do with a sick chemist?
    If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  • What is the chemical formula for “coffee”?
    CoFe2.
  • Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
    Because she was too attractive!
  • I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite.
    He said NaBrO.
  • What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
    CSI.
  • Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
    They bonded well from the minute they met.
  • If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
  • What is the chemical formula for “banana”?
    BaNa2.
  • Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
    Because it was polar.
  • Helium walks into a bar,
    The bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
    Helium doesn’t react.
  • Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
  • What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
    “Au revoir”.
  • Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
    It went OK.
  • Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
    Na.
  • What do you call a scientific plant?
    Chemis-tree.
  • Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”
  • What is the most important rule in chemistry?
    Never lick the spoon!
  • What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A:
    A CaNiNe.
  • Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
    The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
  • Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
    He got Avogadro’s number!
  • What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
    A KNiFe.
  • Two chemists go into a restaurant.
    The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
    The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” – and he died.
  • What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
    HeHe.
  • How can you spot a chemist in the restroom?
    They wash their hands before they go.
  • As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
    Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.
  • A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
    The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
    The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
  • What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
    Methylated spirits.
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