The 27 Dirtiest Simpsons Jokes in the History of the Series

Long before there were mainstream adult cartoons on network TV, The Simpsons was one of the first cartoon shows that parents opposed because of racy jokes and raunchy humor. Kids couldn’t understand why any Simpsons jokes weren’t appropriate for them. After all it was a cartoon, so it had to be for children, right?

Well, now that’s it’s been on almost three decades, all the kids that were forbidden to watch it are now grown up enough to look back and think, “Hey wait,maybe that wasn’t as PG as I thought.” South Park, Family Guy, and more have all made old school Simpsons seem a bit tame, but writers and animators managed to slide in a whole of innuendo, drugs, raunch, and surprisingly dark material into a show that has always attracted pint-sized viewers.

This list takes a look back at the cartoon that started it all, the show that sneaks in some of the best on primetime TV, be it dirty minded, sacrilegious, or just too adult-oriented for kids to grasp. These are the best jokes from The Simpsons that didn’t quite make sense as a kid, the ones that slyly smuggled in sex, drugs, and generally grown up content.  Vote for the most surprisingly below!

Bart, Cunning Linguist

Because Hoover is Also a Vacuum Brand

And what do vacuums do that’s also a euphemism for fellatio? 

Employees Must Wash Hands

Most kids probably don’t know what sperm is, much less why having a sperm bank with this slogan is so funny.

He Totally Meant “Fistfighting,” Right?

It’s probably not a coincidence that Smithers showed up at that exact moment. 

Hard-Hitting Political Commentary

And where exactly do the American tax payers take it?

Whacking Snakes

To which Marge replies, “First slow… and then fast.” If it weren’t obvious enough that Whacking Day isn’t a chaste holiday, it actually ends with a Barry White jam. 

12-Inch Pianist

Admit it, as a kid you pictured a foot-tall piano player. 

Good Advice

Seems logical.

It’s a Truism in the Navy

Smithers may be known to cruise, but never with women. 

Flagrant False Advertising

The Only Footlong in Homer & Marge’s Bed

That’s right kids, bed can be all sorts of fun. Sandwiches. Classic fake-out. 

Awkward

Realistic Romance

Know Your Clientele

But Hopefully We Learn from Our Boners

Square, old fashioned slang or a Freudian slip from Ned Flanders? 

Intractible Homer

Jaded Ms Krabappel Knows the Truth

When she shows her class the sex-ed film, “Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide To You Know What,” she’s not fooled by the lady bunny’s performance. 

Intravenous Drug Use

Otto is thwarted by false advertising.

Where’d You Get That Shirt?

Gay panic was very popular in the ’90s. 

Well…

Solid acronym gag. 

Plowing in the Bedroom

Mr. Plow… Eh? Eh? Get it? 

How Homer First Learned About Sex

We’ve all had that moment when we learned about the birds and the bees…. and the monkeys.

Carpenter Worship

Casual Sexism

A Blink and You’d Miss It Moment

Formerly ‘Chuck’s’ . . . now imagine a couple of S and F words that rhyme with Chuck.

Not Part of the Ikea Training Program

Therapy jokes generally go a bit over children’s heads.

Meta Hairline Humor

When you’re young, meta humor doesn’t really register, later you realize that Bart and Lisa not understanding their own weird physiology is hilarious.

Truly Horrifying

To die is bad enough, but to diet?! Kids still have those crazy metabolisms, they haven’t experienced weight gain or diets yet.  Or disappointment, for that matter.