The Funniest Band Jokes

The band jokes, puns, and humor on this list are all funny because they’re true (except for the one about the flaming oboe), and we heard all these marching band jokes from men and women who were actually in high school band. We’re sure that anyone who went on to play in marching bands in college and beyond have some too, but we stopped talking to them ages ago. Whether you were a flutist or a percussionist (let’s be real – if you’re a drummer you can’t read this) you’ll not only identify, you’ll laugh your weird little marching hat off at these band jokes and band puns.  Everyone who went to high school in America has had an experience with a band geek. Either you knew one or you were one – and if you don’t know which one you were then you were the band geek. We never saw the point in waking up early and marching around a dewy field while carrying a heavy instrument, but that’s what makes all you band kids so special. The other thing that makes you so great is that you have a sense of humor about yourself, or at least we hope you do, because we’ve got a whole mess of jokes about band geeks on this list.

Q. How do you know there’s a flute player at your door?
A. You don’t. They can’t find the right key and don’t know when to make the entrance.

Q. How do you get 2 piccolos to play in tune?
A. Shoot one.

Q: What’s the difference between a flutist and a piranha?
A: The lipstick.

Q: How many flutists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six — One to get the chair to stand on, one to stand on the chair and actually screw it in, one to pull the chair out from under her, and three more to complain about how much better they could have done it.

Q: How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.

Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.

Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the flute recital.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the
road and a dead flutist in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What do you call a good flute section?
A: Impossible.

Q: Four flutists drive a mini-van off of a cliff.  What is the tragedy?
A: You can easily fit eight flutists in a mini-van.

Q: Why were flutes invented?
A: To hit the person on the right.

Q: Why were piccolos invented?
A: To give the whole orchestra a headache.

Q: What do you have when a group of flutists are up to their necks in wet concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.

Q: Why do flutists leave their instruments on the dashboards of their cars?
A: So they can park in “handicapped” parking places.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A flutist.

Q: What’s the difference between an onion and a flute?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a flute