The Best Soccer Jokes

This list contains some of the funniest jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!
This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn’t love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!
Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.
Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

Q: What is a ghosts favorite soccer position?
A: Ghoul keeper.

Q: Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
A: Because she always runs away from the ball.

Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
A: They watch cricket instead.

Q: What kind of tea do soccer players drink?
A: Penal-Tea

Q: What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal?
A: A dino-score

Q: What position do ghosts play in soccer?
A: Ghoulie

Q: Where do soccer players go to dance?
A: The Futball

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match

Q: Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs!

Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball

Q: Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet.

Q: Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.

Q: Why do soccer players do so well in school?
A: They know how to use their heads.

Q: How do soccer players stay cool during games?
A: They stand near the fans.

Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
A: They watch cricket instead.

Q. Why did the soccer player bring string to her game?
A: So she could tie the score

 

Q. What runs around a soccer field but never moves?
A: A fence

Q: What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?
A: Hive scored

Q: How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?
A: They egg them on.

Q: Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?
A: For persistent fowl play.

Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?
A: He was a boxer.

Q: Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day?
A: The players dribbled all over it.

Q: Where’s the best place to shop for a soccer uniform?
A: New Jersey.

Q: What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?
A: Time to get a new ball!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Soccer.
Soccer who?
Socc-ser in the drawer.

Q: What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
A: Yellow cards.

Q: What are successful forwards always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.

Q: Which soccer player keeps the field neat?
A: The sweeper.

Q: Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?
A: Because he broke all the records.

Q: What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: A soccer coach

Q: Where do forwards go to dance?
A: Soccer balls.

Q: Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?
A: They couldn’t string three W’s together.

A Soccer Riddle: Two soccer teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be? Answer: They were women’s soccer teams!

Q: Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?
A: They hog the ball.