31 Hilarious Closed Caption FAILs

You know those TV closed captions you see when you’re at a hospital, or at a sports bar, or while looking at televisions you can’t afford through a window while you stand outside in the cold, terrible rain wishing you had it better in general? Those are hilarious. Subtitles made for the hearing-impaired often have to illustrate, using only the words they can put on the screen, sounds that the hearing-impaired may not have ever heard. Either that or foreign languages. These are the absolute worst examples of closed captioning that the Internet has to offer. The worst, of course, always end up being the funniest, so get ready to see some really damn funny subtitles from TV, movies and cartoons. 

Some of these moments are so amazing that they’re not even screencaps, but camera phone pictures of funny TV subtitles taken while the screen is paused. Vote up the best closed captions and vote down the ones that don’t make you laugh out loud. 

The best is when they use the word [intensifies] for something that doesn’t really ever necessarily “intensify” or when they just write [Speaks Chinese] or something, which is hilarious because subtitles are what we turn to for what kind of Chinese they’re actually speaking. 

The Most Accurate Way to Cry

You Know Exactly What This Sounds Like

The Way All Sound Effects Should Be Written

For When the Intensity Isn’t Intense Enough

This Can’t Be Right

Firefighters Are the Bravest Americans

Closed-Caption Bullying

The Only Way the Deaf Can Understand Tennis

Damn Loud-Ass Spiders



Another Reason I Will Never Watch My Little Pony

Or ‘The Sounds of Cannibalistic Implications’

Another Really Lazy Subtitling

Like a Real Man

This Is Called a Snart

Doctor Who Villain Emulates Not Dogs

This Is Now My Desktop Background


Stickin It to the Man

The Darkest, Most Violent Vegetable-Based Kids Show

Because She Is That Much Worse Than Oliver

[Insert Monster Mash Joke]

This Is How My Ex Would Describe Every Argument We Ever Had

Easily the Most Traumatizing Kind of Stealing

No No, the *Scary* Kind

The Family Brand

This Can’t Be Real

Stupid Baby, Serves Him Right

Your Own Recipe Right in the Comfort of Your Very Own Home!

The Most Taxing Mexican Snack