You know those funny TV closed captions you see when you’re at a hospital, or at a sports bar, or while looking at televisions you can’t afford through a window while you stand outside in the cold, terrible rain wishing you had it better in general? Those are hilarious. Subtitles made for the hearing-impaired often have to illustrate, using only the words they can put on the screen, sounds that the hearing-impaired may not have ever heard. Either that or foreign languages. These are the absolute worst examples of closed captioning FAILs that the Internet has to offer. The worst, of course, always end up being the funniest, so get ready to see some really damn funny subtitles from TV, movies and cartoons.
Some of these moments are so amazing that they’re not even screencaps, but camera phone pictures of funny TV subtitles taken while the screen is paused. Vote up the best closed captions and vote down the ones that don’t make you laugh out loud.
The best is when they use the word [intensifies] for something that doesn’t really ever necessarily “intensify” or when they just write [Speaks Chinese] or something, which is hilarious because subtitles are what we turn to for what kind of Chinese they’re actually speaking.
The Most Accurate Way to Cry
You Know Exactly What This Sounds Like
The Way All Sound Effects Should Be Written
For When the Intensity Isn’t Intense Enough
This Can’t Be Right
Firefighters Are the Bravest Americans
The Only Way the Deaf Can Understand Tennis
Damn Loud-Ass Spiders
EVERYONE STAY INDOORS
Another Reason I Will Never Watch My Little Pony
Or ‘The Sounds of Cannibalistic Implications’
Another Really Lazy Subtitling
Like a Real Man
This Is Called a Snart
Doctor Who Villain Emulates Not Dogs
This Is Now My Desktop Background
Stickin It to the Man
The Darkest, Most Violent Vegetable-Based Kids Show
Because She Is That Much Worse Than Oliver
[Insert Monster Mash Joke]
This Is How My Ex Would Describe Every Argument We Ever Had
Easily the Most Traumatizing Kind of Stealing
No No, the *Scary* Kind
The Family Brand
This Can’t Be Real
Stupid Baby, Serves Him Right
Your Own Recipe Right in the Comfort of Your Very Own Home!
The Most Taxing Mexican Snack