31 Hilarious Closed Caption FAILs

You know those TV closed captions you see when you’re at a hospital, or at a sports bar, or while looking at televisions you can’t afford through a window while you stand outside in the cold, terrible rain wishing you had it better in general? Those are hilarious. Subtitles made for the hearing-impaired often have to illustrate, using only the words they can put on the screen, sounds that the hearing-impaired may not have ever heard. Either that or foreign languages. These are the absolute worst examples of closed captioning that the Internet has to offer. The worst, of course, always end up being the funniest, so get ready to see some really damn subtitles from TV, movies and cartoons. 

Some of these moments are so amazing that they’re not even screencaps, but camera phone pictures of funny TV subtitles taken while the screen is paused. Vote up the best closed captions and vote down the ones that don’t make you laugh out loud. 

The best is when they use the word [intensifies] for something that doesn’t really ever necessarily “intensify” or when they just write [Speaks Chinese] or something, which is hilarious because subtitles are what we turn to for what kind of Chinese they’re actually speaking. 

The Most Accurate Way to Cry

You Know Exactly What This Sounds Like





The Way All Sound Effects Should Be Written





For When the Intensity Isn’t Intense Enough





This Can’t Be Right





Firefighters Are the Bravest Americans





Closed-Caption Bullying





The Only Way the Deaf Can Understand Tennis





Damn Loud-Ass Spiders





EVERYONE STAY INDOORS





D’Awww





Another Reason I Will Never Watch My Little Pony





Or ‘The Sounds of Cannibalistic Implications’





Another Really Lazy Subtitling





Like a Real Man





This Is Called a Snart





Doctor Who Villain Emulates Not Dogs





This Is Now My Desktop Background





NOPE.





Stickin It to the Man





The Darkest, Most Violent Vegetable-Based Kids Show



Because She Is That Much Worse Than Oliver





[Insert Monster Mash Joke]





This Is How My Ex Would Describe Every Argument We Ever Had





Easily the Most Traumatizing Kind of Stealing





No No, the *Scary* Kind





The Family Brand





This Can’t Be Real





Stupid Baby, Serves Him Right





Your Own Recipe Right in the Comfort of Your Very Own Home!





The Most Taxing Mexican Snack

🍀ViraLuck