Dirty Adult Jokes That Will Get You a Laugh on Demand

Looking for a quick and dirty joke to get you an easy laugh? Then these funny adult jokes are for you. We’ve compiled the funniest jokes about sex that you’ll ever come across, so that you can go and tell your friends – hopefully without offending them. Vote on your favorite funny adult joke!

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep sh*t.

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall…

The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”

“You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”

“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

Once you open it, you realize it’s half-empty.

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

What’s the difference between oral and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

What’s a 6.9?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

I went out dressed like a chicken last night…

… and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken.

Two deer were leaving a gay bar…

One turned to the other and said, “Man, I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there!”

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from.

What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

A man goes to the doctor and says “I’ve got a problem, I have 5 penises.”

The doctor says “Wow, how do your pants fit?”

He replies, “Like a glove.”

Why do vegans give better head?

They’re used to eating nuts.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually search for a golf ball.