How To Join The Illuminati

Have you been wondering how to join the ? Do you see the wealth and power of the Dark Cabal that guides every aspect of our world and want in on it? Do you want to know the secrets of the universe, the hidden knowledge that only the most powerful on Earth have access to?

Of course you do. But to join a group as elite and secretive as the , you have to do a few things first. Attain personal wealth or fame, work in an industry that will come in handy during the New World Order, and perform the correct rituals. Never ask questions, always keep secrets… except when secrets aren’t to be kept.

Above all, follow these 21 simple steps to joining and becoming a member. You might not need all of them… but you’ll need some. And only then will the Judeo/Communist/Masonic/Satanic/Catholic conspiracy usher you behind its locked doors.

Be From an Old Money Family

The chief qualifier for membership in the Illuminati is money, and many of the most powerful families in the Cabal are also some of the wealthiest in . Think Rockefeller, Kennedy, the Windsor dynasty, etc. If you were born into money, you’ve already got an immaculately tailored suit-pant leg up on joining the Illuminati.

Or Get Rich in

Even if you aren’t born into wealth, if you make enough money on your own, either through , real estate, , an invention, or anything else, you won’t have to ask about joining the Illuminati. They’ll come looking for you.

Be Male

As much of its is steeped in racism, the membership of the Illuminati is almost entirely made of men. Obviously, these rules are lessened for the wing of the Cabal, where anyone famous enough is welcome. But to rise to the highest levels of the Illuminati, you pretty much have to be a dude. An old, white dude, at that.

Join a Secret Society

Many Illuminati members are also a part of secret societies, the shadowy power brokers who meet at luxury hotels in faraway places, hidden from prying eyes. The Illuminati itself began as a secret society in Bavaria in the 1770s, and this mentality has never left the group.

So if you want to be noticed by the Cabal, get added to the roster of something like the Skull and Bones, the OTO, or the Bilderberg Group.

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Or an Ancient Mystical Order

If shadowy governmental societies aren’t your bag, there are plenty of other Mystical Orders you can join to catch the All Seeing Eye of the Illuminati. These include the Freemasons, Rosicrucians, Druids, your local Church of Satan branch, or Opus Dei. All are front groups (allegedly) for the Illuminati, so take your pick.

Become a Famous Pop Star

Download the newest version of Auto Tune, slap on some , and hire a Swedish songwriting team, and you might find yourself in the Illuminati right quick. Every recent pop singer, from Madonna to Britney, from to Katy Perry, from Jessie J to someone who only exists in an Illuminati cloning tank – they’re all alleged to be Cabal members.

Or a Famous Rapper

The rap world has an obsession with the Illuminati – and in turn, the Illuminati are said to be especially eager to add rappers to their membership rolls. They’ve long (allegedly) had their hooks into Jay-Z, Kanye, Dr. Dre, and others. Could you be next? Get out that notebook and start polishing your rhymes – it’s the quickest way to find out.

Or Be in a Classic Rock Band

The Illuminati are said to use rock music as a tool for disseminating subliminal messages and Satanic orders. So when you look at a rock band, be it the Beatles and Rolling Stones or AC/DC and Judas Priest, you’re probably seeing some very wealthy Cabal members. Every classic rock radio “Get the Led Out Thursday” – it’s all Illuminati.

Or Become a Famous Actor

If you lack musical talent but have good looks, charisma, and can stand on a piece of tape and say the same thing over and over, the Illuminati might have a spot for you. Virtually every major Hollywood star, from Tom Cruise to to Angelina Jolie, and everyone in between, is alleged to be a member of the Cabal.

Be Elected President of the United States

While difficult to do, being elected the President of the United States carries with it almost certain membership in the Illuminati. Every president, from Washington through to Obama, has been alleged to either be in the Cabal or acting as a puppet of the Cabal. But be careful: presidents who have stepped out of line and have gone rogue on their controllers have often ended up (allegedly) assassinated.

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Or Even Just Run for President

Every major presidential candidate in recent history is linked in some way either to the Illuminati or to one of their front groups. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan? Illuminati. John McCain and Sarah Palin? Illuminati. Ron Paul? Deep cover Illuminati. The fact is that in order to get to the position where the Cabal elevates you to the presidency, you have to already be a pretty big wheel.

Or Just Work For the Federal Government

Virtually every government agency, including the CIA, FBI, FEMA, the CDC, DOD, IRS, and NASA, all have heavy Illuminati penetration. Some even say that the Cabal controls every aspect of the government, using each agency for a different purpose in its grand design of New World Order. Do a good enough job working for one of the many alphabet agencies in Washington, and you too can join the Cabal. Allegedly.

Work in the Medical Establishment

Doctor? Nurse? Medical researcher? Pharmaceutical sales rep? It’s all good, you too can join the Illuminati! Just make sure to diagnose patients with diseases they don’t have, then prescribe them drugs they don’t need that will only make them sicker. Or invent your own disease that can panic over, which has no cure, only expensive treatments that don’t work.

Or in the Financial Industry

It’s long been assumed that Illuminati members are in the very highest positions of power in the financial industry, banking, and real estate. The Cabal controls massive assets around the world, so if you want to get in on that, go work for a bank, a hedge fund, a finance company, or pretty much anyone who handles money.

Or Work in Any High Tech Industry, Really

Technology is a hugely important part of life for the millions of sheeple living under Illuminati rule. So if you want to get in on the latest wave of surveillance software, data collection, tracking chips, or high-powered weapons that can cause earthquakes and storms, join the tech industry. If you go far enough, you could be the next Bill Gates – himself thought to be a high-ranking Illuminatus.

Be Jewish

It’s alleged that the very heart of the Illuminati consists of ancient Jewish banking clans who meet in secret every year and decide how the world will be run. Some Illuminati watchers see every Jewish person as a member of the Cabal, influencing all decisions everywhere. They also see non-Jewish people as Jewish people in hiding. It can get a little confusing.

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Or Be Catholic

The Catholic Church is alleged to have enormous power in the Illuminati through its rituals and secret societies. It’s thought that the Pope himself is the go-between for the Cabal and Satan. If you think it’s that the head of a religion of billions is also the head Satanist for the most powerful people in the world, then you might not be ready to join the Cabal.

Or Skip Being Religious and Be a Godless Communist

The Communist Party forms a key part of the Jewish/Masonic alliance at the heart of the Illuminati. Some even believe that Communism itself was designed by the Cabal to subjigate the masses and pit nations against each other. So study up on your Marxist theory, comrade.

Or Skip the Middle Man and Worship Satan

Above all the heads of state in the Illuminati, even above the hallowed 13 Bloodlines, is the Dark Lord himself, Satan. It’s alleged that virtually everything the Cabal does, from their human sacrifices and rituals, to their relentless pursuit of money and power, is done to please Satan. If you want to join the Illuminati, find yourself a Church of Satan meeting, a blood ritual, or a human sacrifice and offer to pitch in.

Above All, Be Good at Keeping Secrets

The Illuminati is intensely secretive. Nobody knows who truly is a member, how it works, who really leads it… or even if it really exists. (It does. Allegedly.)

So if it’s your goal to be a member, you must show other members (who you won’t be able to identify, because it’s a secret) that you are exceptional and able to keep secrets and never divulging what you know. If you are, you might be Illuminati material.

But Not Too Good!

Remember, while the Illuminati is a secretive cabal, they also pride themselves on showing off their wealth and power. This is done through a complex array of hand gestures, publicly held rituals, symbols, coded phrases, conspicuous consumption, and signature poses.

If it seems like a challenge to both be secretive and public about the same thing… welcome to being in the Illuminati!