When in middle school or high school, one of the most awkward experiences involves going through sexual education. But on the bright side, such awkwardness led to some of the best sex-ed questions that highlight the tall task of teaching aspects of sexual maturity to the least mature people on the planet. Students’ test answers speak to that immaturity, but sometimes the teacher might be to blame for sex-ed confusion; if their strange sex-ed video or diagram is presented in a ridiculous or confusing way, a teacher should expect their students to come at them with equally bizarre questions. Sex ed, like sex itself, requires a give-and-take and cooperation on both sides, only in sex ed the climax is watching live birth while in sex climax is… just that.
These tales from sexual education take you back to a time when you didn’t know a vulva from a uvula or thought “semen” only referred to men in the Navy. If you thought you had questions about sex as a teen, you probably weren’t as confused as the following people who posed the funniest questions asked in sex-ed class. Here’s hoping they got some answers before they got in on the action.
Accidental Sperm Donor
Majin-Goku wrote: “Best question from my seventh grade sex Ed class: ‘If I go in the bathroom and jerk off, then touch the doorknob to get out of the bathroom…then my mom touches the doorknob while going into the bathroom and fingers herself – can I get her pregnant?’ The fear in his eyes was palpable.”
Well, kid, the answer is no, although she’ll be pissed you made a mess of the bathroom she probably just cleaned.
Hot Tub Trouble
Given the amorphous nature of liquids, the sexual fluids humans secrete can sometimes be difficult to pin down and understand. One girl apparently had such difficulties according to Liffey2009:
“‘If I am in a hot tub with a guy and he ejaculates, can I get pregnant?’
‘Okay, what if I’m in a hot tub with 50 guys and they all ejaculate at the exact same time, then can I get pregnant?’
Learning To Multiply
Icyfrenzy wrote, “When the teacher was talking about infertility, someone asked if two infertile people can make a baby because ‘negative x negative = positive.'”
To solve this logic puzzle, Chronoblivion responded with “No, you’re multiplying by zero. If one is fertile the result is still zero. Negative means somebody dies when you have sex.”
Hopefully this clears things up.
ATribeCalledGreg wrote, “If you’re having anal sex with a girl and she farts, will your testicles explode?”
In response, office_procrastinate commented with “I feel like the penis would just absorb the air therefore making you penis even bigger.”
These are questions you have when you think with your penis.
AsianHooker666 said, “A friend of mine asked if he could eat cheese while having sex. The teacher just looked at him, paused for a bit, contemplated what she had done wrong her whole life to have reached that precise moment, and told him yes.”
But in all honesty the teacher should have pressed this kid on the type of cheese involved. No one wants missionary with a side of Roquefort breath.
Wash, Rinse, Don’t Repeat
Amsteah52 said that someone asked, “Why does it hurt when you get shampoo in your dickhole?” to which Amsteah himself noted, “The kid had a solid question.”
The answer? Shaggorama said it’s “probably same reason it hurts in your eyes. Shampoo irritates mucous membranes.”
In case you wondered, the urethra is a mucus membrane. Learn something new every day!
I_Game_PC said they heard the question, “If a girl has her nipples pierced, does the milk come out like a sprinkler?”
Since people wanted to know, ToesocksandFlipflops said, “Sorry for raining on the parade but it doesn’t shoot out. Milk comes out all over the nipple, so it’s not like rubber nipples with one hole in them. Source: I’m a mom who hard her nipples pierced and breastfed.”
Fun fact is that many women can shoot their breast milk, but it has nothing to do with nipple piercings.
Back2Bach said someone asked, “Why is anal sex a turn-on for lots of guys but not so much for girls?” To give a legit answer, Lukavian said, “I’m guessing that guys are drawn to it a) for the edgy/naughty factor and b) because it’s generally tighter than the vagina. Girls are not typically as interested for the second reason.”
But foxymcfox took issue with point b, saying “It’s not really tighter though. Sure, the opening is, but that’s like saying a room is tiny because the door is built for hobbits.” Touché, my friend.
VedavyasM said they heard someone ask, “So let’s say you uh go to the bathroom and hold a girl’s hand can they get pregnant then?” then added that it was a “100 percent serious question.” They didn’t mention the teacher’s answer, but hopefully it was something like, “Yes, she can get pregnant, but not if you’re wearing a glove.”
A Hairy Situation
Undoubtedly, certain aspects of self-care will overlap with sexual health, as sexual health falls under the self-care spectrum. However, that doesn’t mean everything overlaps. For example, armofpenguins said they heard this exchange:
“Girl: ‘If you put cum in your hair does it make it shinier?’
Teacher: ‘What boy told you that?'”
Hullian111 responded with, “Ech. I hate the feeling of it on my pubes, like hell would I have that in my hair.”
“Male Student: ‘I heard cum tastes like almonds?’
Female Teacher: ‘I don’t know, I never had almonds.'”
Perhaps the only way to find out is by stepping out to Whole Foods and grabbing a gallon of almond milk.
O Holy Night
NotYetAZombie overheard someone ask, “Is it wrong to masturbate while holding a picture of Jesus?”
The user added that this question came before, “an hour long lecture from the priest. Totally destroyed any chance of following the lesson plan or anything that day. Catholic school was a blast.”
“Kid: ‘What happens if you pee in the girl?’
Teacher: ‘She’ll probably hit you.'”
TheGreyMage responded with, “Our teacher explained this away by saying that you can’t urinate whilst erect. I was lied to!”
The key here, boys and girls, is to stay gold, not go gold.
“‘Can you actually stick your dick in an ear and have ear sex, you know, like in Family Guy?’
Teacher: ‘No, what’s Family Guy? Also why would you want to do that? Anyway, the hole is too small and you’d puncture your ear drum. Don’t try to do it.’
Some sound advice.
Bag It Up
KarmicPasta said the dumbest question they heard was, “Uterus? Isn’t that the thing that cows have?”
In response, Envytheirgreed said, “Well cows do have uterodes too.”
So the answer is, sort of?