The Best Sports Jokes

Modern athletes are way too serious. With their strict diet and workout regimens, it’s like they’ve found a way to home run the humor out of their bodies. We here at Ranker think it’s time that they were taken down a peg or two. That’s why we’ve put together this list of funny jokes about athletes and the that they love. Whether it’s basketball, football, or soccer (or one of the million other that are just okay), there’s a pun or a quick one liner on this list to bring out the laughter in even the most strident of fans.  Leper hockey players, super tall basketball dudes, and chicken soccer players, we’ve got them all on this list. And don’t worry, there aren’t any creepy Kobe here. The humor we’ve collected on this list is fun for the whole family. Unless your family is a bunch of hating nerds, then we’ve got nothing for you. Whatever your favorite sport happens to be, we’ve got a joke on this list that’s sure to turn your baseball brain into a bullpen of laughter. Or maybe they’ll make the little Marv Albert in your brain say “BOOMSHAKALAKA!” with joy. If you find that we didn’t have a joke about your favorite sport, then too bad! Seriously, we blew out the doors on these jokes, there’s even a joke about cricket on this list.

1.

Why does Usain Bolt suffer from relationship problems?

Because he always comes first.

2.

Lewis Hamilton recently won the British Grand Prix. Last time a black guy drove that fast he was being shot at.

3.

 

There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vodka.

 

4.

 

A Scotsman, Irishman and German walk into a bar… There’s normally an Englishman but he’s at the World cup.

 

5.

 

How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle it’s balls.

 

 

6.

Conor McGregor walks into a bar and says, “I’ll take a couple of shots please.” The barman says, “You didn’t take them very well on Saturday”

7.

What sickness does a martial artist get? Kung flu.

8.

Germans have lost in Russia again. When will they learn? At least they didn’t kill any Jews this time.

9.

Just signed a £250,000 per week contract to play for Manchester United.

I just need to get them to sign it now.

10.

3 similarities between the World Cup and having sex.

  1. People take their shirts off and hug each other quite a lot.
  2. Brazilians always look good.
  3. You often see a lot of dribbling in the box.