The Funniest Physics Jokes Ever

Physicists are a blast. For proof, find the spot in your town where all the physicists hang out, wait until they pry themselves away from their experiments, and then wait for the fun to begin! Like any other group of people, physicists have a sense of humor about their professions. Unlike other scientists, tend to be either insanely complicated or use some sort of math. As you probably know, the problem with some smarty pants are that they’re too smart with not enough funny. Don’t worry about that today! The jokes for physics geeks on this list are not only high-brow, but they’re funny too!   The best part about the funny on this list isn’t all the chuckles you’ll be stifling at work. It’s that you’re learning something while you’re laughing. Don’t be embarrassed if you have to look up the meaning to a punchline or two. And don’t worry – these jokes aren’t just funny in theory, but they all have practical applications. OK, so maybe our physics humor isn’t as spot on as the on our list, but you can always wash the bad taste of our physics puns out of your eyes with the electrifying list of the best jokes for physicists.

What Happens When Electrons Lose Their Energy?
They get Bohr’ed.
Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.
Why Is Electricity So Dangerous?
Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself?
What Did The Male Magnet Say To The Female Magnet?
From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
What Did The Higgs Boson Say When It Was Prevented From Entering The Church?
“How can you have mass without me?”
A Group Of Investors Wanted To Predict The Outcome Of A Horse Race
So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… “
About time too!
What Was The Name Of The First Satellite To Orbit The Earth?
The Moon!
Does Light Have Mass?
Of course not. It’s not even Catholic!!!
What Is The Name Of The First Electricity Detective?
Sherlock Ohms
What Did One Uranium-238 Nucleus Say To The Other?
“Gotta split!”
An Electron And Positron Walk Into A Bar
Positron: “You’re round.”
Electron: “Are you sure?”
Positron: “I’m positive.”
How Many Physicists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Eleven.  One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
When One Physicist Asks Another, “What’s new?” What’s The Typical Response?
C over lambda.
Two Cats Are On A Roof, Which One Slides Off?
The one with the smaller mew.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side!
Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in small garages?
Because they were quantum mechanics. 
Why is a physics book always unhappy?
Because it has a lot of problems.
When Was Heisenberg Born?
Oh, that’s very uncertain.
Two Theoretical Physicists Are Lost On Top Of A Mountain
Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: “Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.”
“Where are we then?”
“Do you see that mountain over there?”
“Yes.”
“Well… THAT’S where we are.”
What Did Donald Duck Say In His Graduate Physics Class?
Quark, quark, quark!
What Did One Physicist Say When He Wanted To Fight The Other Physicist?
Let me atom!
What Do You Call A One Sided Nudie-Bar?
A mobius strip club.
What Is An Astronomical Unit?
One hell of a big apartment!
What did the physicist snack on during lunch?
A ‘gram’ cracker.