Happy Holidays! Now prepare to be emotionally damaged by the jolly ol’ elf himself, Santa Claus! We have collected 13 of the most traumatizing stories about Santa and little kids over the years. From tears to murder, we’ve got it all here.
Santa Slays 8 and Sets House Aflame
Laid off and recently divorced, Bruce Jeffrey Pardo dressed up as Santa Claus and drove out to his former parents-in-law’s home in Covina, Ca, where a holiday party was in effect. When a 8-year old girl opened the door, Pardo began to fire at will, shooting several party attendees–including the 8 year old, though she survived–before setting the house on fire using a spraying device, disguised as a present, to disperse flammable fuel within the home, before a candle or the pilot light ignited it and set the house on fire.Based on the evidence ($17,000 in cash and a ticket to Canada), it appeared as though he had planned to flee the country after the incident. However, once the fire started, his arm was severely burned and the costume melted to his body. He then fled the scene to his brother’s home, where he shot himself in the head. His brother found the body the next day.
It may have taken 80 firefighters to control the flames, but it will take many doctors and years of therapy to undo the emotional scarring of one douche in a Santa suit.
Violently Giving Santa Tries To Abduct Child, Give Candy
Here is the story of a particular Santa who likes to dress up with a pillow underneath to make him fuller-looking and more authentic, owns a unicycle and even goes as far to have a bag filled with boxes of candy canes. This man’s attention to detail at such a mundane job is unprecedented.So, what did he do one fateful morning at 7:30AM? He followed a 12-year-old girl while she was walking to school and told her to come towards him. When she didn’t, he ran after her and grabbed her by the arm. Thankfully, she was able to get away… but not before he tried grabbing her again. She wrestled free and ran for it, finding safety in a convenience store.
As for Santa, he hopped onto a public bus as soon as she got away. He was apprehended shortly after because public transportation is probably the worst getaway vehicle you could possibly take. Oh right, and he was also completely unmissable since he was still wearing a full Santa suit (while holding his unicycle and carrying a huge bag with candy in it.)
I would’ve just taken the unicycle if I were him.
Santa Drugs People In Berlin
Don’t people know that the only birth you’re supposed to celebrate over this season is Christ’s? Serves ’em right.
Santa Sends Naughty Cards to Children
Each year, the Canada Post has a “write to Santa” program for all the kids in Ottawa. In 2007, the Post was forced to shut down the program after 10 letters from “Santa” that weren’t so nice were sent back from kids in the Province. Each year, there is a form letter sent to all the kids, with a personalized “P.S.” That year, 2-year-old Maya Da Costa’s read “This letter is too long, you dumb s**t.” Her 10-year old brother Colton’s message was even worse, “Your mom sucks dick and your Dad is gay.”Needless to say, Rosalyn, mother of Maya and Colton, immediately called the Post and they were just as surprised and disgusted as she was. The program was briefly shut down and the postal service was notified not to deliver any more letters, until new letters had been written and checked by staff and volunteers.
This isn’t an isolated incident with the Canada Post, however. Previous traumatic letters included one in 1999 where Santa called one child a “greedy little boy.”
Coca-Cola Santa Reduces Girl to Tears
Be careful what you say around 4-year-olds as they do not come stocked with a sarcasm detector and are waiting until they’re six to install the appropriate patch. Otherwise, you’ll be an a-hole, just like our next Santa!Brooke Rarity was stoked that she was going to meet the big man in red himself, and she knew exactly what she was going to request from Santa Claus for Christmas, too! Well, at least the color. “Anything pink” was going to be her request, until the moment came and Jolly ol’ Saint Nick turned out to be neither jolly nor saintly in her eyes.
“I recognize you,” he says to the hopeful little girl. “Are you Brooke? I hear you’re on the Naughty List.”
And like that, the girl was reduced to tears, fearful that she had not been good this year and would no longer receive any presents. Her mother assured her that she had been nice and would receive presents. Shortly after the incident a complaint was filed with Coca-Cola.
50 Foot Santa on Fire
There is no Santa Claus in Santa Caterina, Brazil after a 2009 holiday display suddenly burst into flames moments after its unveiling. Parents and children fled in horror as the spirit of Christmas incinerated before their very eyes. Aside from negligence, there is no known reason for why Father Christmas caught on fire. Perhaps he was trying out to be the next drummer of Spinal Tap?Click here for more pictures, you sick bastard.
Mall Santa Choke Out
In 1994 in Florida, while doing his annual Christmas Eve duty of listening to every kid in the Kissimee area tell him what they hope to see under their trees the next morning, Santa caught a 15-year-old flipping him the bird. Enraged from the stress of making lists and checking them twice and the temptation of sweet milk and cookies, Santa Claus left his chair and ran after the boy. Upon catching him, it was reported that Santa choked the teenager until he literally began to turn purple.The reason why the kid disrespected Santa in the first place? He never got any good presents as a kid. Looks like that isn’t going to change any, as he no doubt was put on the perpetual Naughty Hit List.
All of these events have been pretty trying and traumatic. But how would you feel if you witnessed Santa’s death, first hand?Pretty poorly, I’d imagine. Well, that’s what happened at a 2006 Christmas party in England. Children were happily receiving gifts and enjoying the alcohol-free egg nog and apple cider, when 86-year old Andrew Robertson was suddenly taken ill and died. Not to alarm the kiddos, parents took him to a side room and tried to have him revived as they waited for the paramedics. He was pronounced dead upon the medics’ arrival.
As the children watched Santa taken away in the ambulance, one child asked, “How are we going to get our presents next week if Father Christmas is ill?” Way to keep your priorities in order, punk.
Drunk Santa Harasses Kids
After coming home from a party of some sorts, this man dressed up as Santa pulls over and stumbles into someone’s backyard. The kids that were playing there immediately had suspicions this guy was a fake, probably because he didn’t come through the chimney and, more importantly, he was walking around the yard shouting loudly at them about having lost his reindeer. No joke. Well, at least no intentional joke.He tried to be all jovial and Santa-like a bit later when he walked up to one of the kids and tried to put his hat on her head, but since he was a drunk middle-aged man, it didn’t come across so much “Santa-like” as “creepy,” so the watching mom called the cops.
Luckily there was no damage done to Santa’s reputation that day in the eyes of the kids. They immediately figured out this Santa was an impostor because according to them, “he smelled like alcohol.”
The jury’s still out on what exactly the fact that they know what that smells like, and that that means “bad”, says about their childhood.
Santa Accidentally Kidnaps An 8-Year-Old Girl
Santa rides a motorcycle in this one and there is a stuffed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in the sidecar. Awesome duo.
So awesome it attracted the attention of a girl when Santa pulled over at a gas station. Asking her if she wanted to see Rudolph, Santa then hoisted the girl up, put her in the sidecar, and drove off with her, all of this happening with her parents watching.
When the father caught up with Santa after speeding like hell to get to her, Santa promptly apologized and turned the girl over. His excuse was that he was caught up in Santa mode and that the Santa in him had taken over for a moment. The family forgave him.
Children Cry As Santa Gets Arrested
At a major Christmas event in the U.K., children were heartbroken to see police arrest Santa, er “Father Christmas”, because of fighting and belligerence.After Santa’s sleigh showed up at a parade-like event, one of the Santas got into a fist fight with a local teen and they started going at it. It got so bad that not only did children start to cry all the way up and down the street, but the police needed to be called.
The spectacle was so intense, and the children were so traumatized from seeing what they believed to be the “real” Santa Claus not only get into a fight, but to then be arrested (ostensibly for the remainder of Christmas) that the officers had to take the children aside and explain to them that the Santa they saw was a fake.
“The children were understandably concerned and upset at seeing what they thought was the real Santa being arrested.”
“Norfolk Police are certain that the real Santa would not approve of people behaving in this way and of course he will continue his pre-Christmas visits and delivery of gifts everywhere on Christmas Day.”
Santa Falls Off Roof in Front of Garage Full of Kids
Picture it: Christmas Eve, children are gathered in the garage, eagerly hoping to get a glimpse of Santa Claus as he makes his arrival to their home to deliver his presence. As they happily chant, “We want Santa! We want Santa!” the garage door slowly opens and the jolly old elf makes his descent … presumably tripping and falling from the roof and landing on the car below. We can assume that there was no damage to the car or Santa, as the parents laugh, make no attempt to help him, and later posted this video on YouTube.
Of course, while the parents are laughing it up, the children are left with a non-graceful image of SantaClaus who almost died because their roof isn’t fit for a man and eight tiny reindeer. Way to go, dad.
Drunk Santa Scares Kids While Searching for Reindeer
Drunk after a Christmas party where he was dressed as Santa Claus, Thomas Arnold decided to go driving through some neighborhoods, with a friend at the wheel, to help spread some holiday cheer. On his way he encountered 9-year-old Katie Dockerty and her 6-year old sister. Katie says she knew it wasn’t the real Santa, “because Santa doesn’t drink alcohol.” It was clear from his scent and actions that he was inebriated, as he tried to put his hat on the 6-year-old’s head and attempted to enlist their help to find his reindeer
Arnold was charged with a OWI (operating while intoxicated), but the police didn’t believe he was an actual danger, just too drunk to realize he wasn’t being funny. We’ve all be there, right?