There are some movies you just know won’t have nudity, and then there are those movies that you know for a fact will have it. It’s a rare delight when a film can surprise you with some surprising naughty bits. From frivolous teen comedies to blockbuster PG-13 romances that suddenly showcase Oscar winners in the buff, these are movies nobody expected to see the full monty.
Just One of the Guys
Howard the Duck
When Lea Thompson, playing Beverly, proceeds to flirt with what is basically a life-sized Donald Duck, you find yourself thanking the gods above that this universe only exists in cinema. Though full coitus never ends up happening between the two during this scene, the implication remains there for the rest of the film. Mr. Lucas, please stick to Star Wars.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Ding dong, here’s Jason Segel’s schlong. Not only does his wiggling wiener make surprise appearance, but by effectively announcing that Forgetting Sarah Marshall isn’t a standard issue romantic comedy, it elevates the scene (if not the entire movie) above forgettable status.
The Whole Nine Yards
When you put on a Paul Verhoeven film, you probably expect some flesh. What you don’t expect is to see practically the entire cast together in their birthday suits. That’s exactly what you get thanks to the now-infamous Starship Troopers co-ed shower scene which features various bits of Casper Van Dien, Anthony Ruivivar, Eric Bruskotter, Jake Busey, Matt Levin, Dina Meyer, Tami Adrian-George, Brooke Morales, and Blake Lindsley.
Titanic is a spectacle of visual and budgetary excess, but as B-Movie king Roger Corman (a mentor to James Cameron) noted, showing an actor in the buff is the cheapest special effect. If you showed up for a romantic PG-13 ballad about a broken boat, you got a bonus barrage of Kate Winslet’s bare buoys in a scandalous scene.
The Fifth Element
You’re watching a playful PG-13 space romp where a couple of monks and a cabbie are trying to forge a super-weapon when, suddenly, BOOM! The super-weapon turns out to be a nekkid supermodel in a tube! They don’t add many clothes because, as everyone knows, Milla Jovovich fights better without clothes.
Two in the buff scenes, four tatas, and five nips are on display in Mallrats. The surprises start early with Joey Lauren Adams’s top floor, but the showstopper is Priscilla Barness’ turn as a triple-nipped psychic and deus ex machina.
The Big Lebowski
Any parts of Julianne Moore that you didn’t see in Shortcuts can be seen here in The Big Lebowski. One should expect mature content in a Coen Brothers film, but having the skin come in a high speed leather painting harness is a bit of a curveball.
Though uncredited, B-movie star Kitten Natividad provided the jostling jigglers for two bits in Airplane!One scene is an elegant visual riff comparing a plate of jello to her tumultuous t-shirted breasts. The other is a less-than-motivated monument to mammaries in motion, and no matter who stupid it is, you can’t help but laugh.
Team America: World Police
You probably never expected to see gratuitously fornicating puppets in any movie, even one by the creators of South Park, but that definitely happened. This probably doesn’t count, since the stars are puppets without any privates. It might not be the most anatomically correct scene, but it is comprehensive one.
This Robert Altman movie is actually pretty full of nakedness, but the shocker happens over two hours in, when Julianne Moore whips around to engage Matthew Modine in a dramatic argument whilst bottomless. She blow dries her pants (seemingly forever) but only puts them on after an emotional crescendo.
Any Given Sunday
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
You expect a rock star to be surrounded by women without their clothes on, and there are a lot of them in this scene, but Dewey Cox takes it to another level by adding a flaccid feature player into the foreground throughout an unrelated scene. It’s explicit and matter of fact in a way that’s unexpected for a goofy spoof comedy.
Don’t put this spooky foreign film on for date night; don’t even put it on for horror movie night, because it’s a whole different kind of spooky. The film opens with a shot of actual penetration, which is contrasted with a young child falling to his tragic death. By the end of the movie you’ll also see (unsimulated) self pleasure, female genital mutilation, and even a Willem Dafoe’s junk getting clobbered by a log.
An old-timey baseball movie is perfect for the kids, right? Wrong. Ty Cobb beats a topless lady of the night (Lolita Davidovich) at gunpoint and has a flashback where his dad gets blasted by his naked mother’s equally naked lover’s shotgun (a literal shotgun)