If you’ve ever looked into beauty products to avoid plastic surgery, then the odds are that you’ve already come across some of the strange and fascinating sh*t floating around the Internet. Here you’ll find a list of some of the more terrifyingly weird beauty gadgets currently available for purchase from all over the globe. While some look like little more than lawsuits waiting to happen, others might just be crazy enough to tempt someone into an adventurous late night buy.
Be forewarned, however, that extreme caution is recommended in the event that you should actually attempt to purchase and use these strange anti-aging beauty products. While many appear harmless, others look like something you should ask a doctor about before strapping on and giving a test drive.
All in all, there’s no better way to a radiant face and body than healthy life choices, but if you should chose to seek out an alternative route, then please arm yourself with a healthy dose of common sense while doing so. That said, feast your eyes on some of the wild stuff floating around out there on the underside of the beauty market.
The Anti Wrinkle Cheek Slimming Mask
Want to slim down your face and look like a Batman villain at the same time? Then the Kolight Anti Wrinkle Half Face Slimming Cheek Mask might be for you. The mask is supposed to work due to the fact that it utilizes organic germanium fudge, which is said to purify the blood, enhance the metabolism, and *some* say even reverse cancer cell growth. It also claims to offer you a sort of natural facelift if you wear it for 30-50 minutes on a regular basis by clearing facial veins, enhancing elasticity, and rebuilding collagen in the skin.
As far as reviews go, they cover a range of opinions. Some say it’s awesome and has made a visible difference, others say they saw none at all and complain that the smell is something to be reckoned with.
The Face Slimmer
Though this bad boy looks like something out of a porno gone horribly wrong, it’s actually called the Bigan Beauty Face Expander and claims to keep your skin youthful. The creators advise placing it your mouth for three minutes a day and reciting vowel sounds, which is supposed to work your facial muscles and give them a sort of daily face lift.
As for the reviews, they range from those who claim it’s useless to those who claim they really feel the difference. There’s also of course the crowd who verify it’s actually a pretty killer sex toy (of course someone was gonna try it) and/or a hilarious gag gift.
The Lip Plumper
Want plumper, fuller lips? Some suggest utilizing the power of this plumper which claims to fluff up your lips by suctioning over them for two minutes. When it comes to the reviews, this one seems to come with pros and cons. On the upside, it actually does appear to work, but on the other hand, however, your newly plumped lips will eventually deflate after about an hour or two at the most. Also utilize caution if you chose to go on this particular lip plumping adventure – some customers warned that it occasionally left a bruise atop their lips.
This Nose Straightening Clip
As it turns out, Japan wants you to skip the nose job in favor of this device which claims to straighten out your nose over time. Though an interesting idea, not to mention fashion choice, the consensus on this one seems to be “meh.” Some say they can tell a slight difference but don’t hold your breath any more than you’ll have to with this thing shoved up your nose.
This Vacuum Suction Breast Enlargement Pump
So… this happened. While we advise the use of extreme over-caution if you should decide to go down this particular road, these may be an option worth trying out before you decide to have a boob job. They work by suctioning your boobs into growth over time and actually have a fair amount of positive customer reviews.
The Face Slimming Facial Massager
This little facial massager comes with a lot of promises, ranging from slimming down your face to improving circulation. As for the reviews, this one doesn’t appear to be a terrible buy. Most customers appeared to like it, though many of them admitted that their enthusiasm was a direct result of the fact that their cats really dug it. Though it may or may not live up to its extravagant claims, some people said they did notice a small change in facial shape and most said that it just felt really nice.
This Inflatable Face Lift Belt
Though the same result could likely be achieved by taping a couple of beach balls to your cheeks, this inflatable face belt claims to give you a more youthful looking face in five minutes a day. Unfortunately many doctors claim its too-good-to-be-true promises are just that and that your best bet for improving your face without surgery is exercise and a nice dose of healthy life choices. Might make a killer piece of gear for boxing class though.
(You Probably Shouldn’t) Buy It Here
This Facelift Mask
The next time you’d like to improve facial circulation, reduce wrinkles, and tighten your skin – all while robbing a bank – then hit up the full face sauna slimming mask. This terrifying looking facial wrap utilizes the same material that scuba divers use to maintain body temperature and claims to have sauna-like effects that leave you with a younger looking face.
The reviews on this one seem to be a little underwhelmed however, with some claiming that the product doesn’t fit as described. Others claimed to see a difference, however, and one lady said it made a great addition to her neck workout.
This Facial Fitness Muscle Trainer
If you’re out to tighten your facial muscles without the aid of Botox then this claims to be the product for you. By holding this weighted device in your mouth and flapping the little wings up and down for about a minute a day, you’ll supposedly tighten your facial muscles, which may help with sagging, wrinkles, and signs of aging.
As far as reviews go, these seem to be some of the kindest, with some claiming they can really see the difference. Guessing by her horrified facial expression the model was not one of them.
Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads
Oh dear God. As further proof that some women will go to terrifying lengths for their boobs, we bring you the Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads. These pads use mid-frequency radio waves to deeply stimulate boob muscles and supposedly replenish the perk that time and gravity may have stolen away.
If the obvious signs of this being a bad idea waiting to happen escape you, please at least utilize extreme caution when applying this or any other electronic devices to your lady areas.
This Biomicroelectric Eye Wrinkle Remover
Sick of under eye wrinkles or bags? This high tech looking gadget claims to have the answer by providing your under eyes with a mirco-vibration massage. By stimulating skin through alternating positive and negative ions, it promises to leave your skin more elastic and smooth.
But is it work the $90 price tag? While some customers say it’s worth it, others claim that for the money, the quality isn’t all it should be and that it does little more than sting the eyes.
This Vibrating Nose Lifter
Oh boy. This arch villain-esque device claims to give you a more beautiful nose without plastic surgery by “raising” the bridge of your nose. This it claims to do by vibrating along and thus “stimulating” the nasal bone. Does it actually work? Customers and doctors unanimously agree: no. No, it does not. But due to the hilarious nature of its appearance it was impossible to resist including it.
(Don’t) Buy It Here
This Full Face Facial Slimming Belt
Want skin that’s more “beautiful and sexy?” This facial belt claims to be the answer, though it doesn’t go into a great deal of detail about exactly how it works – perhaps by increasing circulation? While some customers say they love it, others complain that it’s (perhaps to the surprise of no one) incredibly uncomfortable or that it was so small they couldn’t get it over their heads at all.
Mejikara Anti-Wrinkle Glasses
If you’re out to get rid of those wrinkles around your eyes, then try slapping these on for five minutes a day. The premise lies in the specially designed ridges on the inside of the glasses that are supposed to massage your sagging eyes back into shape.
These have actually been a huge hit in Japan, were featured in Italian Vogue, and, if you’re hell bent on getting rid of wrinkles, are definitely cheaper than Botox.
This Cheek Muscle Slack Stimulation Gadget
If you’re looking for a little cheek stimulation, then this gadget wants to volunteer itself for the job. It claims that by placing it over your face for three minutes a day you too can have more youthful looking skin. It works its magic with five different functions including micro currents, EMS, vibration, heating, and cooling.
The consensus is still out on whether there’s anything to this one or not, but hey, there are worse places you could put a shifty looking vibrator, right?
The Eyelid Trainer
Despite the blatantly white woman modeling them, this one promotes itself as a quick fix for Asian girls who want to get a “double eyelid” without plastic surgery. By wearing these for five minutes a day, you can apparently “train” your eyelids to get bigger, thus giving you the double lid look.
Though it claims to have sold around 7,000 units a month, reviews on this one were highly mixed due to the fact that no one could figure out if it was a joke or not.
The Face Bra
Yep, really. Move over Victoria’s Secret because now there’s Face Bra, the rubber gadget that claims to help lift your face and reduce smile lines. All you’ve apparently got to do is wear the rubber like device around your face while doing mouth exercises to perk up your face and send those fine lines running for the hills.
While there are a conspicuous lack of reviews for this one, one thing is for sure – you probably won’t be in any danger of increasing lines due to smiling over how hot you look wearing it.
The Double Chin Facial Workout Weight
Basically this terrifying looking facial weight claims to reduce your double chin and lead to a younger looking face if used alone in the shadows daily (or at least three times a week). While its looks are a little less that flattering, especially if you do the accompanying exercises while wearing it, some customers claimed that they could see a difference in their diminishing chins while others said not so much.
This Facial Muscle Net
Though this bizarre gadget looks like a cross between a fishnet and mouth hammock, it’s actually an exercise band for your lower face. By wearing it while you open and close your chomper for three minutes a day, you’ll supposedly be combating the signs of facial age, especially when it comes to laugh lines.
With most reviews for this product being in Japanese, we’re not sure exactly how much caution to utilizing before you shell out nearly $100, but there’s probably at least a little bit required.